December 1st 1991

Paddy was lying in his bed in the tour-bus. He was tired, but he couldn't sleep. It was impossible for him. He was thinking about being a real rockstar with lots of fans, luxushotels and stadium-concerts. How nice it would be with a huge suite with bubblebath and bigscreen-TV right now, but he was far from a life like that. OK, he gave concerts with his family, but it was far from the stadium-concerts. He and his family gave three or four shows a day on a little stage in the streets and slept in the tour-bus. His hair was getting fat and he felt a bit dirty. Luckily they were all going home to Cologne now. He missed his dad and his room in the houseboat. Wonder how it is like to live in a castle, thought Paddy. Then he looked at the calendar over his bed. I`ll turn 14 in four days and Maite is 12 in three days. I hope she likes the cassette I bought for her.
Suddenly came his littlebrother Angelo to his bed. "Paddy, can I tell you something ?" he asked. "Sure. What is it?" "I don't want to sleep alone in my bed. It's cold. Your bed is always warm and nice. Can I sleep here tonight?" "You're nine years ! Aren't you a bit too old ?" asked Paddy. "No, I'm not !" "OK, but don't take the whole bed."

December 3rd 1994

Paddy was lying in his bed in a hotelroom in Berlin. He was thinking about the concerts they were going to have the next day. It was in a concerthall which had room for 10 000. Earlier this year had their concert been on Alexanderplatz. Lots of people came to their concerts, and they also talked with their fans. We are starting to lose the contact with our fans, thought Paddy. Is this how it is like to be a star ? In a concerthall is everything so unpersonal, but I get used to it I guess. Eight days earlier had he, Joey, Jimmy, Patricia, Kathy and John given two streetconcerts in Berlin. Paddy enjoyed those concerts. People who wanted to came and listened to their music, and maybe they even threw some coins in the hat. Just like in the time when he was a little boy.

December 4th 1996

Paddy was lying in his huge bed in their house in Ireland. He was thinking about streetlife. It was back then he could walk in the streets like any normal person. Now it was impossible. They were huge stars in many countries, but not here in Ireland. Here he could relax. Nobody would wait outside the house for his autograph and a picture.
The last year on the houseboat had been a living hell. The fans waited outside their boat day and night. One day decided the family to move to Ireland. I miss my friends in Cologne, thought Paddy. I am so far away from them. But because of the fans is this our new home. Huge and expensive, but I'm not happy. Why should I be happy? I`ll turn 19, but it means nothing to me. Mama, I wish you were here, then I wouldn't feel so extremely lonely. A tear fell down from Paddy's cheek. He didn't want cry, but he did.
He was looking at a fan-letter he had got and decided to read it. It said :

"Dear Paddy. I hope that you will read this letter, because it is very important to me. Four years ago I went to a concert in my town. I felt lonely and sad, but I wanted to see this concert. Paddy, you sang the song "House on the ocean". When you sang that song, it felt like it was made for me. It touched my heart and helped me through a hard time. "House on the ocean", saved my life.
Paddy, I've been to the concerts nowadays, but it's so unpersonal with all the teens who are screaming for you. I don't like you for your looks, but for your songs that touch my heart.
Paddy, if you are feeling sad ; think about the lives you've saved through your music.
Anna Helena."

Paddy looked up from the paper he held in his hands. He began to sing "House on the ocean". He couldn't reach the high notes, but he could still sing it. He just had to sing a bit lower.

December 5th 1999

Paddy turned 22 this day. He was looking at all his presents , but he wasn't happy. He knew that he was in prison. I'm in Prison Gymnisch, thought Paddy. Why should I be happy. I can't even go jogging anymore. The fucking fans follow me everywhere I go. They have to take photos of me ALL the time. Why can't they see me as a normal person? I'm not a star all the time. What's so special about me ? Why can't I take walk like a normal person, go to the movie, go shopping, meet friends like a normal 22 year old. Oh, my god ! he suddenly thought. I have to get to the others, since we are going to be on the show "Menschen, Bilder, Emotionen 1999". How could I forget?!?

December 7th 2000

Paddy sat in front of a mirror. He was looking at his eyes. Two tired eyes. He felt old, yet he'd turned 23 a couple of days ago. He had experienced much in his life ; his mother died when he still was a little child, at the age of 16 he was a superstar, the last two years had been a nightmare ; the "fans", followed him everywere. He felt sick and tired. All of his friends had a steady girl, but he didn`t ! He looked at his presents, but they didn`t make him happy.
Paddy went to his bed and found the book where he used to write poems, thoughts and songs. He found a pen pen wrote frustrated in the book : "Why do I feel so lonely ? Why is it impossible for the fans to see that I can`t act on stage anymore ? Can`t they see that I`m not a happy boy , but a sad young man who is suffering `cause they destroy my life. Joey and Tanya has a little boy, Patricia has a steady boyfriend and Angelo and John have steady girls, Jimmy has a girl, but I haven`t !!! LIFE SUCKS !!!"
Suddenly noticed Paddy the fan-letter he`d got in 1996. He read it and saw that the girl`s adress were on the letter. Maybe I should write to her and get some advice and help, thought Paddy. I can also tell her that the letter means a lot to me and describe my frustration.
Paddy wrote the letter in a hurry and went downstairs to a security who could post the letter for him.